The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
This is a book about not only communicating, but communicating with intent using your partner’s native, primary love language.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, or have never heard of a “love language” then you have to check out this review!
Review Type: Single Product
Product Type: Book
Author: Gary Chapman
Publisher: Northfield Publishing
Number of Pages: 208
Cheapest Place to Buy: Amazon.com
My Rating: 4 out of 5
The 5 Love Languages Overview
Imagine for a moment, what would happen if, when you woke up today, the only language you could speak was Spanish, after speaking English only your whole life.
Now take that a bit further by pretending that the person that you love most in the world woke up and could only speak German!
Think about what that would be like. Think about how hard it would be to communicate, how hard it would be to even understand what had happened.
Think about the hand gestures, facial expressions and body language, because that is all you would be able to depend on really.
I mean, you might pick up a word here or there that was understandable, but for the most part you’d have no choice but to rely solely on the universal aspects of conversation.
That would be crazy! Yet, that’s how many of us go through our lives. Every. Single. Day.
Stop Squawking and Start Talking
Meaning, your partner’s language, specifically their love language.
That’s what Gary Chapman is helping us understand in this book. He explains that just because you like to receive flowers and that means the world to YOU, I couldn’t care less about receiving flowers.
Now, that may seem a little confusing to you at this point, and that’s understandable. Suffice it to say that people like different things, but it goes deeper than that.
As it turns out, there are a total of five (5) love languages, specifically:
- Gift Giving
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service (Devotion)
- Physical Touch
Seems pretty simple, doesn’t it? Newsflash: It is!
Once you’ve identified your partner’s (or anyone’s) love language and you start thinking about what motivates them, once you start empathizing with how they think, things get MUCH easier…on everyone.
One thing that was unclear to me when I started reading this book were the dialects. Like spoken languages, there are dialects…infinite dialects.
One might say that there are as many dialects as there are people.
But then that’s where the challenge comes in. This book will give you the tools you need to deal with all people in any of the big five, but then it’s up to you to figure out how to finesse your specific situation and partner.
Talking to Those You Love Does Not Have to be Hard
The nice thing about how Gary Chapman lays things out in this book is that you come away feeling empowered.
This is not one of those books that you read once and then set on a shelf. You’re going to want to flip it back open from time to time and review those parts that really have to do with your life.
In fact, love languages aren’t just for lovers. You can better reach anyone when you’re talking their “language”.
At the bottom of this article you’ll find related books, all by Gary Chapman, all putting a different spin on things, but all having to do with the 5 love languages.
Romantic Love is a Choice, Limerence is an Accident
One of the things this book points out is that that love is a choice. Immature love, love that is infatuous in nature is something best left for the young.
In fact, there’s a word that was created to specifically describe that feeling that often accompanies new love. That word is limerence and it describes that feeling when you can’t get a person out of your mind, that almost achy yearning one feels for another.
That is not the romantic, mature love that is being sought after by Chapman. His intention is to get you closer to those that you want to be closer to in a deep meaningful sense.
Another recommendation; after reading this book alone, read it with your partner (or just read it the first time together). Get it on audio book and listen to it, or just read it out loud between the two of you, alternatively by two of them and coordinate reading chapters so that you can discuss them.
It’s an amazing experience!
The Reason I Gave This Book a 4.5 out of 5 Rating
I love the book “The 5 Love Languages”, I really do, and apparently so do well over 10,000 other people because it has an almost perfect 5-star rating from Amazon!
The reason I gave it a 4.5 out of 5 is because of the series itself.
Many of the books in the series are the same book, just with different examples and other details that cater to the audience the book is targeted at.
I believe this was Gary Chapman’s intent, it’s just not overly clear. Some people, as a result, are disappointed with secondary purchases because they are looking for more information, only to be disappointed with the subsequent books because they’re basically the same.
In order to help you out, I’m going to list the books here and talk about each of them just a bit so that you can get a feel for which would be best for you, that way you don’t have to worry about getting the same book with different details.
If you think about it, it really makes a lot of sense. He is, in a way, communicating directly with you by gearing books specifically to types of people.
I’ll also tell you when one of the books is very different.
This book is the “original”. It appeals to the broadest audience and has all the original examples.
If none of the others that are listed here appeal directly to you, then I’d advise you to grab this one.
All the books will essentially give you the same information, though the ones that are geared toward a specific audience are likely to speak to you better than others.
The 5 Love Languages / The 5 Love Languages Men’s Edition / The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers / The 5 Love Languages of Children
This collection contains the four main selections having to do with the 5 love languages in general, from a man’s perspective, how to determine and learn your children’s love language, and how to use the tools to help with the teenage years.
This collection is something that you will be able to use in all facets of your life and I predict they will keep you coming back to reference time and again.
Singles mustn’t be left out because they can keep from making the same mistakes that so many of us went through.
It’s also great for young people coming up through the ranks because, why not speak your bosses’ love language…it might just be what gets you that promotion!
However, there are a couple of sections in this particular book that aren’t in some of the others:
- How to Deal with Anger in a Healthy Way
- How to Apologize Effectively
Not really surprising though, considering the target audience. 🙂
This book is about how to love children effectively and takes you through discipline and managing anger.
It also has a test at the end to help you figure out what your child’s love language is. This test is for older children that can put thoughts into words effectively.
The military has a whole unique set of challenges to make life more difficult.
This book gives you the tools you need to foster a more loving and caring relationship between spouses enduring the hardships of military struggles. Just don’t try it on your drill sergeant! 🙂
The teen years are arguably the toughest in many relationships between them, parents and others that love them.
This book in the greater series will help parents deal with their teenagers and possibly shed some light on why they act out specific to your situation.