If you’re anything like me, this is a new concept to you. I’d heard of the “language of love” before, but never really gave it any thought. At best I thought it was simply a “play on words”.
The simple fact is, that like people from different cultures that have a different dialect and language, people from the same culture can have wildly different “love languages”.
All Posts in this Series:
- I Love You but I’m Not In Love With You, Meaning and Advice
- It’s Normal for Your Heart to be Afraid, but fighting for the Past Will Mean the End, So Start Accepting Your New Beginning
- What do I do with this Broken Heart? Avoid Requests for Space and Use Your Head to Think about what You Want
- Once Upon a Time We were Happy, and Suddenly it’s Over? The Heart Heals Slowly, don’t Fear the Future
- Intentions do not Win Hearts, Actions are the Secret, How to Start Connecting Today for a Happier Tomorrow
- Say Yes to Everything and Reveal the Secret of the Heart
- Learn to Speak the Language of the Heart ⇐ You are Here
- Become a Sex Master and Learn How to Heal the Heart with the Body
- It’s Time to Get Some Help, Starting Today
- Rekindling the Flame Can Sometimes Burn Too Hot, Use Caution While Reconnecting
- Some Words about Physical, Sexual, Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Think of it like this. If you only speak English, and you’re trying to communicate with someone from Mexico that only speaks Spanish, you are both going to get lost very quickly if you try to communicate regarding all but the simplest of concepts.
I mean, through awkward hand gestures, facial expressions, and other primitive methods, you may ultimately be able to achieve some level of comprehension, but it’s going to take a lot of time, energy, and you may even have to work through misunderstandings, as well as unintended insults.
Now, what if I told you that the only way you would be able to reconcile with your lover would be if you learned to speak Spanish proficiently, and that if you did everything would be perfect.
I’ll bet if you were serious about reconciling you’d engage yourself and do everything and anything you could to become a proficient Spanish speaker as quickly as you possibly could.
Well, I am kind of telling you that, but instead of Spanish, you need to speak your partner’s love language.
There are 5 primary love languages, and within those primary languages there are many dialects and variances.
Understanding what is important to your lover and indeed to yourself, is critical to really understanding when you are reaching them. Most people tend to try communicating with their own love language because it’s what you understand.
For example, my love language is “service”. This means that you can compliment me all you want, or you can buy me gifts, and while they likely have some meaning to me, what really shows me that you love me is when you do something for me, or show thoughtfulness.
If you make my life easier, do something that obviously required some thought, or do something for me that I know required dedication and work, that makes me very happy!
See, if you do those types of things, you’re speaking my native language, and it has a LOT more meaning to me than showering me with compliments.
The five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
If your love language is “quality time”, like my wife’s is, then while doing the dishes for her is nice, cooking dinner with her is wonderful! You see the difference there? Doing something FOR her might be appreciated, but doing something WITH her is what is really meaningful to her. On top of that, she’s speaking my love language (as am I) because we are doing something FOR each other.
Watching TV or a movie, not so much. I can tell you that she never has, and she never will, consider that “quality time”. I mean, we do that, and she enjoys it, but given the choice of watching a TV show or playing cribbage or some other game…she’ll almost always choose the activity (any “together” activity) over TV or a movie.
In fact, I can tell you that if I do decide that I want to take her on a date, and a movie is a part of that date, then dinner, drinks and/or dancing better damned well be the other part of it!
I now know that was one of my main undoing’s in our relationship. There were others, but that one in particular is something that she’d communicated to me many times, that I failed to heed…until it was too late.
And guess what…as of today, I wouldn’t trade the quality time we spend together for anything. She was right, and I was wrong. Watching a movie is typically a passive experience, I’ve really grown to love and appreciate the together times, even though that’s not my main love language.
That’s an important point. Once you start to truly appreciate someone else’s love language, you start to be affected by it. That means you gain empathy, you understand people that “speak” that language better, and it fundamentally changes you.
Considering this, there’s a guy named Gary Chapman that says it all a lot better than I do. Which brings us to another book that you should read, either at the same time or immediately following “Connecting Through Yes” is, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”, by Gary Chapman.
I’ve read it, and it altered the way I thought about not only communication, but how I approach love in all its forms (intellect, physical and yes, romantic).
I can’t encourage you enough to grow yourself as a person with these two books.
Go to the next step in your journey: Become a Sex Master and Learn How to Heal the Heart with the Body