I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
Ten words that if said by the right person can alter your life in ways that you never imagined. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, these words are a catalyst to a paradigm shift. Good or bad…depends on you.
Review Type: Single Product
Product Type: Book
Author: Andrew G. Marshall
Publisher: HCI Books
Number of Pages: 288
Cheapest Place to Buy: Amazon.com
My Rating: 5 out of 5
The “I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You” Book Review Overview
When I got this book, it was in the middle of the biggest crisis in my life. The person that I loved more than anything in the world, my wife, had just said the exact phrase that is the title of this book.
I’d gone through the emotions:
- Incomprehension – I heard the words, they didn’t register. I couldn’t have heard correctly!
- Outrage – What the hell was that supposed to even mean?
- Anger – After all I’d sacrificed, after the years (almost 20 years) I’d spent faithfully?!
- Grief – Time for self-pity
That last stage was what prompted me to do an Internet search in Google. I pathetically typed in the words that she’d said to me, and began to realize, I was not alone.
These words have been spoken by both men and women, they were often caught off guard, some overcame and succeeded in resurrecting their relationships…others crashed and burned.
Ultimately my searches led me to this book. I didn’t know what else to do, I definitely did not have the resources that are now contained in this site (see the I Love You but I’m Not In Love with You Series here on this site).
You Have to Get a Grip
Thankfully, this book helped me to calm down and take stock of my situation.
Knowing that I wasn’t alone, that others had preceded me in this journey of epic proportions, and succeeded…gave me hope.
What I had to do now was open myself up to the new reality of the situation I was faced with. I’m not someone to sit idly by and “let things happen” to me. I had to do something, but I was ill equipped to deal with this situation.
My wife had always been a devoted mother to our children, and wife to me. But what this book helped me to realize, is that it wasn’t really her…it was me.
That’s when my universe shattered.
Up All Night Long
I bought the book on Kindle so that I could get access to it immediately. What was in the pages were simply astounding.
It practically narrated the conversation, fight, whatever you want to call it, event by event. It was painful reliving it, and yet that is what I was doing.
It was like I was reading a story about that evening that my universe ended. It was almost verbatim in many cases. Talk about eerie!
Because of this, the book instantly had credibility in my mind. I mean, this guy obviously knew what he was talking about, and it was not a unique situation in any stretch of the imagination.
So, I dropped any cynicism that I might have developed over the decades and I opened myself to the words in the pages of this book. I opened up the possibility that it was me. I accepted my role in where we’d ended up.
It’s not You it’s Me
I was angry sure. But after opening myself up and reading the words that were in this book I started reflecting back over the years.
You see, she didn’t just get here. It wasn’t “all of a sudden”, like it felt like to me. This had been growing in her for months, no probably more like years.
I’d become more and more frustrated throughout the years, inundated by stress after stress, beaten down by the unfairness that often hits us in life.
As a result, I’d stopped appreciating things, including her. I’d withdrawn inside of myself. I was interested in nothing but escape from the seemingly harsh realities that had become my little microcosm of reality.
As a result, I tended to get upset very quickly. I had the proverbial “short fuse” that you hear about as someone describes a red haired hot head, or something equally stereotypical.
I’d become mentally and emotionally abusive, often speaking to my wife in condescending tones while belittling her contributions to the family, and to me.
Now, I’m not saying I was solely to blame, but at some point, you hit a wall. You can only go through life so long while “walking on eggshells”. That’s where my wife was. I had become a hard person to love, and she’d become someone that was dealing with depression and despair…and I’d been blind.
Why Am I Sharing This with You?
Good question. I’ll tell you.
I don’t take this trip down memory lane lightly. This is real pain for me that I’m laying out for you in these words.
I’m telling you this because I was able to hit on something at just the right time; I was able to find something AND I was able to open my mind and take responsibility for my part.
I tell you this in the hopes that I can help you realize and save that which you undoubtedly hold dear. Because this book saved my life!
You may think me overdramatic, and perhaps I am being a bit of a drama queen here. Because I most likely wouldn’t have died, I sure as hell wouldn’t have killed myself. I’m not that kind of person, but my life as I knew it WOULD indubitably be over.
If I hadn’t take the path I did, my children would have had to go through the conversations that so many children have to endure these days; “Mommy and daddy are getting a divorce”.
My world would have degraded to phrases including, “who’s weekend is it?” and answering questions about why this happened.
I would never hold her again in the same way. I’d never see myself in those eyes of hers, reflected in love ever again.
I may have loved again, but all future entanglements would have been a perpetual comparison to what used to be.
Somebody has to Give
When things like this happen, fair or not, one of you have to give in and let certain injustices take place.
In the past, she’d done this, and now it was my turn. It didn’t matter if she was being “unfair”. It didn’t matter if she was right or wrong.
In order to sort these things out, I was going to have to allow her to be “right” for a while. Reality isn’t a part of this practical outlook.
The point is that in order to get “there”, your “here and now” is going to need to be sacrificed temporarily.
The “trick” at this point is to get your lover to stay. Keep your lover close while providing the space necessary to deal with what’s happening…no easy task, for either of you.
That’s Why I Give This Book a 5 out of 5
This book is a bit dry at times and there are some repetitive aspects of this book. The author is far from the greatest writer of all time, and yet…
Without a doubt, this guy saved my marriage!
Well, I may have had a thing or two to do with it, as did she. But without the guidance I got out of this book, I shudder to think what “might have been”.
With this in mind, I have to give this book a five. There’s simply no other choice.
Click here for more Information on the book:
⇒ I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship ⇐
Maybe you, like me need this book right now. Maybe you’re lucky and you only think you might be sliding into the realm that I’ve described in this review. Maybe you’re simply looking to be a better person and make sure you never get into a pickle like I was in.
Regardless, I totally recommend this book. I recommend reading something that will help you with your emotional health at least once a year, and you could do far worse than this gem.
If someone you care about has recently said, “I love you but I’m not IN love with you” to you, then get this book right bloody now!
As an aside, there’s another book that I read during that fitful night at the same time as this one, “Connecting Through Yes”, and I’d say that one being read in the context of this one is a beautiful parallel that will help you form strategies for reconnecting enough to buy you the time needed to fully realize the benefits of both books.
After you get this, and you succeed in rekindling the flame that I’m sure you will rekindle. I’d recommend doing what I do, re-read this book and the “Connecting Through Yes” book at least once a year. It helps remind you what’s important, and re-gels the strategies in both.
Click here and start reading “I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship”, you won’t regret it!
Comments and Questions About the Book “I Love You, but I’m Not In Love with You”
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