I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You, Meaning and Advice

By | January 21, 2017

If you are among those unfortunate souls to hear the words, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” from the one you love…these will be the most devastating words you could ever hear short of your husband or wife telling you that they’re dying.

But then you know that, don’t you? Otherwise you probably wouldn’t be here. In fact, I’ll bet the wound that brought you here, is still pretty fresh.

The first piece of advice I can give you…breathe. Take slow deep breaths followed by long slow exhales…just breathe to make the pain a little easier, and read.

You may be in a state of denial, you may be suffering disbelief, you may be on the verge of panic, you may be broken…shattered. Whatever state you are in currently, you have found your way here, and that’s good.

It means you’re thinking and becoming more open to the idea that something terrible has happened, and you’re searching for answers.

This is an excellent first step, and I can tell you with conviction, and from a perspective of similar experience (meaning that I myself have been there), that all is not lost.

You aren’t Alone, one step at a time, Here’s the first two…

Step 1) as indicated already, breathe.
Step 2) Keep reading…and try to focus

Divorce rates are greater than 50% today for a reason. Actually, for many reasons. But first and foremost, it need not be YOUR outcome.

Everything may seem lost, and it may be…that is a very real possibility. But until you’ve signed divorce papers, there’s still hope.

Start Your Journey to Happiness and Learn What it Means to Love

There are several entries in this series. If you are serious about saving your relationship, read them all in order…then reflect, and read them again.

  1. It’s Normal for Your Heart to be Afraid, but fighting for the Past Will Mean the End, So Start Accepting Your New Beginning
  2. What do I do with this Broken Heart? Avoid Requests for Space and Use Your Head to Think about what You Want
  3. Once Upon a Time We were Happy, and Suddenly it’s Over? The Heart Heals Slowly, don’t Fear the Future
  4. Intentions do not Win Hearts, Actions are the Secret, How to Start Connecting Today for a Happier Tomorrow
  5. Say Yes to Everything and Reveal the Secret of the Heart
  6. Learn to Speak the Language of the Heart
  7. Become a Sex Master and Learn How to Heal the Heart with the Body
  8. It’s Time to Get Some Help, Starting Today
  9. Rekindling the Flame Can Sometimes Burn Too Hot, Use Caution While Reconnecting
  10. Some Words about Physical, Sexual, Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Believe me, your journey is far from over, and it’s a hopeful Journey! I’ve been through this hell and emerged on the other side with a stronger relationship than ever. I cannot guarantee that you’ll achieve the same outcome, but doing nothing…or worse, doing the wrong things…will likely result in disaster.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with our partner for 2 years or 20 years (like me), this can happen to anybody.

If you have any questions or comments please take a moment and use the form below to let me know what they are.

Now continue your journey with:  It’s Normal for Your Heart to be Afraid, but fighting for the Past Will Mean the End, So Start Accepting Your New Beginning


8 thoughts on “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You, Meaning and Advice

  1. Dushan

    Hi, I was thinking that letting go, accepting the situation, and really seeing it for what it is is a key step. So many live in denial or avoid the reality of this. It can be heartbreaking to hear those words, but they can be used to free yourself from a relationship which is heading for the rocks.

    From personal experience, I’ve found that it has always been better to take action as you’ve mentioned in point 4, and surround yourself with people who can support you through the process of starting the journey to better things.

    Have you any advice on improving how we communicate through our heart?

    1. Jack Post author

      Couldn’t agree more. Though I’d temper the last sentence of your first paragraph by asserting that “free[ing] yourself” should be a last resort. There was a reason you got married in the first place, and I feel that too many look at marriage as a matter of convenience.

      Marriage is a covenant, it’s something that is supposed to happen exactly once. And it’s worth working through it.

      Your second paragraph couldn’t be more true. Having people you trust helping you through times like these are crucial! Without at least a small support group, you spiral and bad decisions are inevitable.

      Yes, I have a great deal of advice on improving communication through the heart. It’ll be coming in the upcoming days. I’d encourage you to check back tomorrow and often. 🙂

      For now I’ll simply say, make sure you know what you want, and then start trying to figure out why you have arrived at this sad, potentially loveless destination. Whatever your lover tells you, accept it, at least for now, as truth.

      Thanks for the comment!

  2. George

    A comfortable approach to a very uncomfortable subject.

    Yes i put my hand up, been there and some parts never leave you…been over 30 years now.

    looking forward to all the subjects that are coming soon so I will be back looking for them.

    Good to see the attention to the body health which is so important at times of high stress…something I learned first hand.

    Found it easy to find out things here that I came here for.

    1. Jack Post author

      Thanks George!

      You bring up an excellent point, regardless of whether you succeed in rekindling love, some of the meanings and the lessons will remain fresh forever. Some aspects may even haunt you…

      Thanks for the comment, and yes, do come back…there’s much more that will be available in the coming days!

  3. Garen

    Relationships are a complicated thing. I have learned this the hard way over the years.

    Rejection is always the worst feeling you can experience. Especially, when you really like someone, and you find out, they don’t feel the same way. One, thing someone told me years ago that always stuck with me. Don’t sit there and try to analyze everything in your relationship. Don’t sit back and say, “Did they really care about me.” Don’t ask why? It is not going to do any good.

    But, on the brighter side people are not always going to connect forever. Feelings do change, but sometimes it’s for the best.

    Is there advice you can give us for then this does happen? I do like the advice of taking a deep breath. But, as days go on there have to be some things we can do so we don’t get depressed about the situation.

    1. Jack Post author

      Hi Garen, thanks for stopping by!

      There are definitely times when it’s best to let relationships die. There are cases where love simply can’t be rekindled. It’s true, that if you (or your other) decides to “turn the page”, then other than taking the lessons learned, it’s best to get past it and move on.

      However, in many cases it’s our own devices, emotions and stubbornness that gets in the way. If there was truly love in the relationship and it wasn’t simply limerence, then I believe that in the majority of the cases love can be renewed.

      It takes both sides, and often it starts from just one side, and rarely is it a fast recovery.

      To answer your question; Keeping your mind and body busy is the best medicine. If you can, try and find some things to do together. Believe it or not, learning to dance can be an amazingly fun, embarrassing and intimate way to reconnect. Embarrassment, believe it or not, can be a very endearing thing. By leveraging your own vulnerability, you open up the maternal instincts of the fairer sex, and it also shows that you’re trying to “reach your more sensitive side”.

      Anything along the lines of something active that you can do together, and you as the person trying to recover what’s been lost MUST be the patient one, you must be willing to embarrass yourself and not get defensive.

      Talking to a counselor, or a good friend can go a long way too.

      Most of all, I’d recommend you keep reading the series that I’ve put together here, there’s a lot of information in it that I’m sure you’ll find helpful.

      Thanks for stopping by, and don’t be a stranger!

  4. joy

    My partner and i have been struggling on and off for a while now and your post really hit home with me. i feel like i was meant to find this site. thank you so much for taking the time to post things like this. this site is a valuable resource.

    1. Jack Post author

      Hi Joy!

      I’m so glad it helped, and I’ve glad you found my site! Check back often because there’s a lot more on the horizon.

      Hope to see you again, and thanks for commenting!


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