Connecting Through Yes!: How to Agree When You Don’t Agree to Get Cooperation and Closeness in Your Marriage Details
This book changed how I communicated, brought me closer to my wife, and made me more successful at work and in business!
Review Type: Single Product
Product Type: Book
Author: Jack Ito Ph.D.
Publisher: Loving Solutions Publishing
Number of Pages: 292
Cheapest Place to Buy: Amazon.com
My Rating: 4 out of 5
Connecting Through Yes – Overview
This book is a must have if you are struggling with any kind of difficult person, especially if that person is your spouse.
We often tend to get bogged down in the minutiae of our discussions by feeling attacked ourselves or dealing with our partner’s defensiveness. This is something that can cause interactions with each other to inevitably spiral into negative territory.
This book helps you to begin framing the conversation, helping you to focus on what is important rather than dealing with the distractions that come from great familiarity.
Jack Ito teaches you to better control not only the conversation, but the outcome of the conversation to mutual benefit.
He teaches us that “winning” is not the point, and should not be the goal. The only time anyone “wins” in an argument is when both parties can come to some kind of mutual terms that both agree to, and ideally thrive from.
This book will teach you to frame conversations so that rather than:
- and defying
You can focus on the topics that need focusing on, while disarming negative statements and potentially answering in ways that inevitably get us into trouble.
Do you have to “Deal” with Difficult People? Use the Power of “Yes” to Stop “Dealing” and Get Better Results!
We can all be difficult from time to time. However, if you have a difficult partner (or really any person) that is constantly using aggression, passive aggressiveness or other “scorched earth” techniques to throw you off-guard, you’ll find this book invaluable for “short-circuiting” this type of behavior and almost retraining them to stop using these techniques!
I have to say, I’ve personally used these techniques. I can tell you that they work, not only in marriage, but with kids, co-workers, bosses and even parents.
Maybe You ARE the Difficult Person
I have to say, I thought I was really good at arguing (if you’d asked me prior to reading this book). In fact, I always seemed to have a comeback for most everything.
I was able to use all kinds of tactics to “win” arguments against countless people, including my wife. Heck, most of the time these poor willing “debaters” didn’t stand a chance.
This book showed me, without a doubt, that I was going about this all wrong. You see, I thought that by using techniques to talk circles around people, or that by using aggressiveness to “shut down” my opponent through intimidation that it made me the victor. All that mattered was winning!
The problem with this approach is that you aren’t actually winning at all, in many cases you are simply intimidating others, and in fact they may be taking the “higher ground” by getting away from the conversation and just letting you have your own little private victory.
The only way to win an argument is to stop arguing and start exploring, eliminating the problems that are causing you to fight…together!
Maybe solving the problem is to stop doing something (spending money or quitting drinking, for example), perhaps the problem is subtler…you’re being accused of spending too much time working.
The point is that instead of getting defensive, or putting your partner on the defensive, you can use the power of “Yes” to find common ground and begin exploring, and ultimately truly solving the problem(s).
Seldom can any two or more people get everything they want, and you have to not only be able to set your own bar and expectations, but you have to respectful of your partner’s expectations as well.
This is how you both “win”, and this is one of the many things this book will teach you.
My Rating of 4 out of 5
So why didn’t I rate this a 5? Well the answer to that is pretty simple really, it’s a bit dry.
Don’t get me wrong, the information in this book will without a doubt help the majority of people deal not only with communication in general, but also will help those that have to deal with difficult people or topics with much greater ease.
“Connecting Through Yes”, will help you get past defensiveness and will even teach you how to “retrain” those that exhibit aggressive behavior patterns to win arguments.
There is so much that I got out of this book that I can’t really say enough about it.
But the truth is, there are a couple parts of it that seem to be a bit repetitive, and these areas are dry enough that I caught myself willing it to end and get to the point.
Don’t let that deter you though, you can always skim over those sections in order to mine the gems, which are many.
I bought this book myself while going through a difficult time with my wife. I quickly began to realize in just the first few chapters where I was going wrong.
As I gained insight into my own failed attempts at talking to my wife, I started to see where I could have improved immensely.
After getting the general idea down, I decided to experiment. I started talking about topics that in the past would always result in uncomfortable and provocative results.
The outcome was outstanding! I was able to immediately diffuse the defensiveness of my wife. I was able to listen to what she was actually saying, and I was able to help us both not only start to work toward positive resolution, but the mutual respect that started to form was breathtaking!
Needless to say, I went back and CONSUMED that book, then went back through and re-read parts of it again.
Even now, years later, I still crack it open and refresh my mind with the wisdom in its pages.
This book quite literally changed my life, and I’ll bet it could help you too!
I recommend this book with all my heart, read it…learn to communicate better with everyone in your life…you won’t be sorry.
You can order, “Connecting Through Yes: How to Agree When You Don’t Agree to Get Cooperation and Closeness in Your Marriage” in paperback form, or on Kindle with Kindle Unlimited.
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