Sex is Important
No discussion about love and disconnects would be complete without discussing sex.
Sex is one of the things that can easily break a relationship all by itself. It’s the way to connect more deeply and passionately, that transcends words and every other form of intimacy, especially over time.
All Posts in this Series:
- I Love You but I’m Not In Love With You, Meaning and Advice
- It’s Normal for Your Heart to be Afraid, but fighting for the Past Will Mean the End, So Start Accepting Your New Beginning
- What do I do with this Broken Heart? Avoid Requests for Space and Use Your Head to Think about what You Want
- Once Upon a Time We were Happy, and Suddenly it’s Over? The Heart Heals Slowly, don’t Fear the Future
- Intentions do not Win Hearts, Actions are the Secret, How to Start Connecting Today for a Happier Tomorrow
- Say Yes to Everything and Reveal the Secret of the Heart
- Learn to Speak the Language of the Heart
- Become a Sex Master and Learn How to Heal the Heart with the Body ⇐ You are Here
- It’s Time to Get Some Help, Starting Today
- Rekindling the Flame Can Sometimes Burn Too Hot, Use Caution While Reconnecting
- Some Words about Physical, Sexual, Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Sex is something that should be cherished and anticipated, something that provides satisfaction to both parties.
Too often you hear stories where “the guy” is satisfied and the “the gal” is not, sometimes literally for years (or more).
Sex, in the narrowest perspective, is an act that anyone can perform. However, unless time, energy and education is a part of it, I’d bet a great deal that one or both of you are coming away less then fulfilled.
Good Sex Takes Time and Energy
Good sex takes time and energy to get right. It takes communication…communication that is often viewed as taboo.
Many families steer clear of sex and “sex talks”. It’s something that is awkward and uncomfortable at best.
A woman, contrary to the male popular belief, does NOT have to achieve orgasm every time to have a fulfilling, meaningful, and satisfying sexual experience. As a matter of fact, neither does a man.
Once you can get to the point where neither of you is “going for the orgasm”, things are going to get better. It becomes about the experience, the journey, the sensations, and the feelings.
Unfortunately, there are some women that never achieve orgasm. This isn’t ideal.
There are men that refuse to talk about sex, or they approach it as a type of “activity”, or worse, a conquest. Many believe that they are “inherently good” at sex. This is generally confirmed by their partner, even if their partner doesn’t truly believe it, because men are also very sensitive and easily insulted regarding this topic.
If you’ve been reading this series, you likely know that my wife is about “quality time” (discussed in “Love Languages”). Well, I can tell you without doubt that sex is quality time that is high (highest?) on her list.
Do you realize how incredibly lucky that makes me?! Unfortunately, I can tell you that I didn’t realize that for many years!
Understand this, more often than you might think, one of you may feel a bit…shy, with regard to sex. Understand that if you are the shy one, that you may inadvertently send the message to your partner that they are unattractive! People need to feel wanted, desired, that means you (or perhaps your lover) need to get OVER these shy, awkward feelings.
In order to have a fulfilling sex life for both of you, you need to discuss it. You need to figure out what you like, what your partner likes…and how you both like it.
Sex Should be Fun, Experiment Comfortably
You need to try new things, you need to experiment, you need to “become kids again”.
Three books that I believe will help you in this area are:
- “She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman”, by Ian Kerner (this is geared toward men obviously)
- “Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a man”, also by Ian Kerner (for the ladies)
- Last but not least, “Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm”, by Nicole Daedone
These aren’t simply some kind of lurid how-to “manuals”, although they all contain important information on the…we’ll say mechanics for those of you that are still feeling a bit chafed by the topic. But the “Slow Sex” book especially deals with not only the “how’s” of sex, but strategies around communicating about sex, which is equally important and often awkward.
Contrary to the title, I strongly recommend “Slow Sex” to both men and women. The reason for this is simple. While a man’s orgasm has mental components, it’s typically achieved fairly easily (especially the first one during a session) through mechanical means.
A woman’s orgasm on the other hand has mechanical strategies, but is very much an emotional and mental process.
There are methods in both books that will help a man get the concepts down for the mechanical. And a skilled man in the art of female anatomy can often help a woman achieve multiple orgasms in rapid succession simply through manipulation of that anatomy.
But if a woman isn’t at least charged up mentally, and emotionally invested, no amount of stimulation is going to help the poor unfortunate soul that is attempting to pleasure her.
Again, the orgasm is not the goal, and both parties from time to time should practice the art of pleasing their partner without “traditional satisfaction”, especially if your partner’s “love language” is that of service. Because sacrificing your own “satisfaction” is truly an act of service. It also helps to arouse you to the point that it encourages another round “later”, and that engagement will be…powerful!
I realize at this time neither of you is likely considering sex at all, but by following the strategies outlined in this series, it’s likely to happen, perhaps sooner than you think.
Consider this: When you do finally engage in the acts of pleasure, imagine your partner’s surprise when you begin to open up new worlds to them.
If you are a man, you are going to go in knowing so much more than you did in the past. If you are a woman you are going to not only focus on what you are doing for him (and too him), but what you are thinking and feeling so that it’s clear you are “all in” to the experience.
Go to the next step in your journey: It’s Time to Get Some Help, Starting Today