Hello and well met!
The short story is that I’m a writer and a technologist. I’ve been a programmer and technological architect for going on 30 years. I have delusions of entering into the realm of fiction one day, and I intend to satisfy my wanderlust.
That’s me in a “nutshell” as they say, if you’re feeling indulgent, continue reading for the longer (if somewhat rawer) details…
Freedom and happiness is that elusive state of being that many of us think is just around the corner. We fool ourselves into believing that if “I can just make X dollars a month” I could be free, or if “I could just find a person that would Y” then I’d be happy.
The point is, that after over 20 years of marriage I’ve tasted many of the flavors of an individual woman, as well as the general and subtle flavors of the gender. I’ve seen relationships born in nuclear glory and supernova into a lifeless husk.
I’ve succeeded in business, and failed in business. I’ve quit jobs and been fired from jobs. I’ve hoarded cash and squandered countless gobs of money.
I don’t fool myself into thinking that I’ve seen it all…far from it, I’ve merely scratched the surface. Life is…an adventure? The saying “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” is so true…but only if we are willing to reflect on and truly savor the lessons that life teaches us, both the good ones and the bad ones.
I’ve been the outcast, and popular. I’ve been bullied and the bully. I’ve been petrified and the one inciting fear. I’ve hated and been hated, loved and been loved. Like many of us, I’ve experienced just about every extreme and in-between you can think of, and doled out the same.
Hypocrisy is natural, and something one should impossibly strive against at all costs. I say impossibly because there are times in life where hypocrisy is actually the point, and paradoxes are unavoidable. That stated, truly learning the lessons of your own unique past is the key to opening your own fantastic future, and nothing but you and your mind stands in your way.
I know this to be true, because like you, I was the disease in my world…
For longer than I care to remember I was angry. The smallest thing would set me off. It seemed that my life was spinning from one interruption to the next with me becoming increasingly agitated at each turn.
Food had lost flavor, it felt like everyone and indeed the universe was conspiring against me. In fact, cynicism was my constant companion. If someone did something nice, I looked for the angle asking questions like, “why did they do that? What were they looking to gain?”
I was so convinced that I was pulling my weight, and resented those that didn’t pull theirs…or at least seemed like they weren’t “pulling on the rope”.
You see, I was working constantly, I mean all the time. I would look forward to weekends because “I’ll have fewer interruptions” and can get more WORK done. My family, and in fact everything that wasn’t directly a part of my goal (money), was an inconvenience. The mundane tasks of life were so far beneath me that they didn’t even bear considering.
Then, my world shattered. The catalyst, and what followed, is a story for another day, but suffice it to say…those things that drove me, that were SO important, suddenly fell away into an abyss of despair and loss. Those things that seemed so important…just a short time ago…were now relegated to afterthoughts.
Perhaps you can relate? Perhaps the death of a loved one, or the ending of a marriage, the alienation of a child or something tantamount has happened to you. Perhaps not. You’d know it if it did because it suddenly occupies your whole being, every thought seems to lead back to the thing you are trying to overcome.
When you are suddenly faced with something in life that is TRULY important in contrast to what you THOUGHT was important, it’s a wake up call like no other. Even then, during the maelstrom, things aren’t always clear. But if you embrace the fear, the sorrow, the loss and the heartbreak by asking yourself why, and reflecting inwardly to truly understand how you got to “this place”, that’s when the magic happens…and that’s what happened to me…that’s one of the main reasons I created this site.
I can tell you this: If you look around you, and you think that everyone else is the problem (regardless of the situation or your interpretation of it), the problem in all likelihood…is you!
In fact the only way to determine if you are the problem or not is to perform a self-imposed paradigm shift to look at everything from the outside in, if nothing else than to put yourself in the shoes of others to truly determine if you are the root cause.
The road has been long, and it’s been painful, but I can tell you truly that I’ve never been happier!
Food tastes good again, time moves more slowly, I FEEL more.
My mind works better today than it ever has, making me more valuable to those that benefit from my intellect, including myself. I notice things and linger on things that I’d never have thought twice about before.
The point is…I’m living. I’m on my journey toward freedom and I’m savoring every moment of it.
I’ll speak more about my personal story and reflections as my own journey continues, and I hope you will check back often to commingle your own adventures with mine.
Don’t be a stranger, freedom is a journey…let’s experience it together…
Here’s to safe, happy, love-filled and exciting travels,
P.S. Take a moment and tell me something about you in the comments below.